For the past two days I’ve been thinking of what to write and then I received a text message.
About a year ago I met this guy named Alex. He was charming, very intelligent, hilarious and his sarcasm was through the roof. Our personalities clicked instantly. So of course like most new people we meet, we are constantly talking every second of the day and stay on the phone for hours eventually falling asleep on one another. We never got bored of talking. We pretty much talked just about everything. From our personal life to talking about aliens. It was like being best friends with yourself, but the opposite gender. So like any blossoming relationship you naturally start to develop feelings; really strong and feelings in my case. I would just get so excited from reading one of his random text messages or his hilarious GIFs he would find online.
Sometimes Alex would ask me, “What do you think about me?” So I answered it honestly. I would tell him, “I think you’re funny, humble, smart and overall just a great guy. Pause; this is where I made my mistake. “Plus you can’t really ask me since I’ve developed somewhat of a crush. *stupid girly laugh insert here*” I wanted to magically press ctrl, alt, delete on the last five minutes of the conversation, but it was way too damn late. His response, “oh. Ha…thanks!” So I quickly transitioned on to another subject. Obviously, things got weird and our friendship slowly began to drift apart. He eventually told me he didn’t feel the same way. I had to move back in with my mother in a different state which was 1,200 miles away. Our hiccup in our friendship lasted for a while longer and I would text, but I would get the cold shoulder. But when Alex would text or call and there I would be with open arms. So then I felt like I was being used, ignored and ultimately not important anymore.
I went on vacation for about two months and left everything behind. Social media, friends and my cell phone. I wanted to clear my head as much as I possibly could and through that phase I got over my feelings for him. There were many nights I cried myself to sleep because I’ve never met someone who understood me and accepted my every fault. Yes, we have our same sex best friend, but when you met that person that just completes you in every aspect of your life and is the opposite or in other cases the same sex gender then you can’t help, but to fall madly in love. Finally all the hurt and the feelings were poured out and gone, but I knew I would be okay. I came back home with a positive attitude to get back into my old groove of being happy for myself. Then one day a simple text message was received. “Are you awake?” Then proceed with a phone call. We take for about twenty minutes before I realized that I didn’t miss him at all. We talked and talked and I felt nothing. So was this love at all? Or was this just a simple crush developed into an obsession? I couldn’t answer it, but I knew that whatever feelings I had before were definitely not there anymore. The next day he called me and out of nowhere he apologized. He told me that the many times he didn’t answer my calls or texts was because he was ignoring me. He told me that he’s had feelings towards me the first day he met me. I was mind blown and pissed off at the same time. All these questions came rushing to my head. “Why did you decide to tell me now? Why did you not say anything before? Why after all this time you decide to tell me now?” Alex: “Because you deserve someone who will respect you, be honest to you, and especially show the love you’ve showed me x’s infinity.” All of that went through one ear and out the other. My anger just took over every thought in my head. As I kept saying all this stuff towards him, he just said, “I deserve that.” I hung up because I just didn’t want to hear anymore. After all that shit I went through to get over him and he says he’s liked me since day one? I was furious. So I didn’t text or call or answer any of his. He finally stopped after a couple of tries and everyone moved on with their lives. I finally faced my anger and realized what was the point of being angry? I know I have something way better out there for me, but I must be patient. I fucking hate being patient! But here I am. It’s 4am and I receive a text message saying “Can I call?” Should I answer it or ignore it? I freaking hate this dude, but I do miss him.
ahlejandra 